


The Lactose Intolerance of Elderly White Men

by compo67



Series: Chicago Verse [110]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Banter, Dialogue-Only, Established Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Established Relationship, Growing Old Together, M/M, Old Married Couple, Post-Series, Short & Sweet, Slice of Life, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 22:39:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10291841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/compo67/pseuds/compo67
Summary: With age comes an inability to digest dairy and a propensity to spend a large amount of time looking out one of the living room windows. Also, fuck snow.





	

“Fuck.”

“No, dinner first. We discussed this, Dean.”

“Not that.”

“Hmph. Tell me that later.”

“It’s a god damn winter wonderland outside.”

“What? It wasn’t supposed to start snowing until tomorrow.”

“And you believed that? Since when is fucking Tom Skilling ever right?”

“...not ever? I’m confused about the question?”

“You know what I mean. Can’t trust that bastard.”

“In bed or about the weather?”

“Both. Both is good.”

“Come away from the window, Dean.”

“Look at all the crap I’ll have to shovel in the morning.”

“You haven’t shoveled in two years.”

“When the Garcia boys shovel, I shovel with them in spirit.”

“You sit there and complain about having to pay them, then you end up giving them double what they ask for, then you spend the rest of the week being a tightwad about buying groceries or having the lights on.”

“Sammy, you seem to think electricity grows on trees.”

“I can’t read in the dark!”

“Then you shouldn’t be reading.”

“UGH. Get away from the window!”

“Make me!”

“Don’t press your nose up against it, you’ll smudge it.”

“If I want to smudge the window with my nose, I’ll smudge the hell out of it.”

“I can’t believe you.”

“You should be thankful it’s my nose and not my dick.”

“Oh, I’m so thankful.”

“It’d be like sucking off a popsicle. Except bigger.”

“Away from the window!”

“Way bigger. Big dick popsicle. I wonder if I could make it taste like cherry. That’s your favorite flavor, right?”

“I’m not speaking to you.”

“Good. I can ramble on in peace. I bet I could borrow Eduardo’s snowblower and he wouldn’t notice. I could get a head start on the snow. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a shit show tomorrow for the boys.”

“You leave Eduardo’s shed alone. You promised.”

“I promised to leave the shed alone. Not the stuff inside it.”

“You’re not going out there. There’s no need to clear the driveway tonight. And we have nowhere to be tomorrow anyway.”

“How do you know? Maybe I have a hot date somewhere.”

“Does your hot date know that you spent forty five minutes yesterday complaining about how your dick looks smaller now that you’re older?”

“First--it wasn’t forty-five minutes. Second--it’s a legitimate concern. Third--no one forced you to listen to that dialogue of the human experience.”

“If you get away from the window, I’ll make you French toast.”

“Bad move, offering to cook for me. No thank you.”

“You said you liked my French toast.”

“You made it four times last week, Sam. I need a break.”

“Grilled cheese.”

“Three times last week.”

“...I’ll heat up that frozen artichoke dip and toast pita bread.”

“Do I get a mug of hot chocolate with that?”

“You’re pushing it. And the limits of our plumbing.”

“Everyone has that reaction to dairy.”

“I keep telling you to see a doctor about that.”

“What’s worse? Me standing at this window or you talking about what dairy does to me while you’re in the kitchen handling food?”

“Definitely you at the window.”

“Pft. What do you know.”

“I know that this’ll take ten minutes tops and we’re halfway through season three of the Golden Girls.”

“Just don’t hog the blanket this time.”

“Only if you promise not to stink up the couch.”

“You offered to feed me, you should’ve known better, college boy.”

“Things they don’t teach you in law school: how to deal with the lactose intolerance of an elderly white male.”

“Eld--excuse you?!”

“Sit down.”

“I bet you I can clear the driveway twice as fast as you can, punk.”

“That’s a race I want no part of. Now sit.”

“I’m sitting because I’m so tired of your shit, I need a moment.”

“Mmhmm.”

“And I want whipped cream on my cocoa.”

“We’ll see.”

“Do we have any of those pigs in a blanket left?”

“Those’ll take a while.”

“That’s fine.”

“Eat some cashews meanwhile.”

“Do I have to?”

“They’re good for you.”

“Better than those damn almonds. Hey, Eduardo got a new snow blower. Looks nice. I wonder if he sold the old one or kept it as a backup. Hmm.”

“Get away from the window!” 

**Author's Note:**

> i hate snow. SO MUCH. especially right now. we went all winter with practically nothing and now it shows up?! D:
> 
> i walked past my window and saw how hard it was snowing and just blurted out, "Fuck that."
> 
> unfortunately, i do have to go to work tomorrow, so i don't get to sit around eating artichoke dip and watching the golden girls. hmph. but it was nice to live vicariously through these two for a while. i missed them.
> 
> hope y'all enjoyed! comments are love. <3


End file.
